I should first give a preface to everything I'm about to talk about. For many of my close friends, the unexpected mission age change that was announced in 2012 came as an answer to prayers. But for me, it filled my mind with so much confusion. I wasn't even planning on thinking about a mission until I was 21 because (and I know this might sound superficial, but please bear with me) I thought I would potentially be married by then and wouldn't have to even worry about a mission. But here I was, almost 17 and only 2 years away from being eligible to serve a mission. At that point in time, I didn't want to think about it. I planned on going to college for my first year and then pondering it some more.
Freshman year of college came and I enjoyed it! Being in a freshman ward, I was surrounded by "premmies" (AKA young folks about to go on their mission). A few of my roommates were preparing for missions and I loved their enthusiasm for the adventure they were about to embark on. I admired them. But for myself, I didn't feel that "spark" and I wasn't sure why. I prayed about it at the end of the school year and asked Heavenly Father if a mission was something for me. I didn't really think it was something I should pursue at that time. I decided to do another school year and figure that out later.
Sophomore year was full of growing experiences. It was hard academically, but I found some of my BEST friends that year. I was really starting to love the "college experience". As that school year came to a close, I again prayed if a mission was something that I should do. I felt the same way I did a year before.
The summer of 2016 was a time that mission thoughts and ideas were starting to stir within me. At this time, I was living with my best friends and I felt like I truly found my place in my new YSA ward. I lived in a ward with a high percentage of returned missionaries and I really admired them. Maybe that had some effect on me, I just don't know. But several times throughout the summer months, I kept asking myself, "should I serve a mission?". I guess in the back of my mind I always felt this tiny bit of judgement that because I wasn't a returned missionary, I wasn't as capable as everyone else. I know that no one should feel that way, but it was always a small thought in the back of my mind.
I wrestled with the idea for several weeks. I talked to my roommates about it and asked for their advice and guidance as I was trying to figure out what the heck I should do. At times I thought a mission would be really good for me. At other times I didn't really feel like it would. I was already signed up for my junior year of classes and I didn't feel an overwhelming YES in my mind when I thought about a mission. After praying and pondering, I confirmed that I wouldn't be going on a mission. I just didn't think it was in Heavenly Father's plan for me.
At the end of the Summer, I did begin preparing to attend the temple and receive my endowment. I was already attending the temple every week and had been for nearly a year and I felt that was the next step that I should take in my life. I started preparing for that in August and was planning to go in December when I would be home with my parents. As the school year started, I prayed to Heavenly Father and felt positive that I was where I needed to be in my life. School was great, my ward was fantastic, and I just knew that I was exactly where I needed to be. I thought I had it all figured out....little did I know....
FLASHBACK November 2016:
I believe the day was the 22nd. It was my last day of classes before Thanksgiving break. I was spending that day in Provo and then was driving to my sister's in Lehi for the Thanksgiving holiday. I wanted to go to the temple before I headed out of town. I wasn't in the best mindset to receive revelation that day in the temple. It was a little more crowded than usual and I was caught up in the fact that I would be spending double the time I would normally spend in the temple (which makes me sound like a horrible person, but I promise I'm not...really). I remember I was on the front pew getting ready for baptisms and as I scooted across the pew, the most clear word came into my mind: MISSION. I paused for a second and didn't really believe that I heard that. I spent maaaybe about 15 seconds thinking about it and then moved on to other thoughts.
A few days went by and I was just struggling thinking about my future. I was getting frustrated with several factors in my life and the puzzle pieces were not fitting together right. As Jamie and I were driving home from Thanksgiving dinner, I remember voicing my frustrations to her and then told her about my experience in the temple(which up until this point, I hadn't told anyone. In fact, I hadn't even thought more about it until this point). When I finished the story, her eyes got big and she paused for a second before saying, "Joce, you may want to think more about that". I sat back and actually thought about it. I knew that revelation must've come from Heavenly Father because I wasn't thinking about a mission at all. I already made the decision that I wouldn't go on a mission. We talked about it the rest of the car ride home. I started to get butterflies in my stomach, similar to the butterflies I felt when I heard about the mission age change 4 years prior, but this time the butterflies were more excited and a tad less nervous. I felt that by the end of the car ride my mind had pretty much been made up. When I went downstairs to "my room"(or so my nieces call it) and I closed the door and said out loud "I'm going on a mission". As soon as I said those words, I felt good. I kept saying and saying it and continued to feel good about it!
I went up stairs and continued to talk about it with my sister and she asked the girls, "What would you think if Jocey went on a mission?!". Some of their responses were "YEAH" and "That would be so cool!". It helped boost my self confidence! I then started talking logistics with Jamie and started to become so excited, but then also so nervous! At that point, I just wanted to do what the Lord wanted me to do. I still didn't LOVE the idea of a mission, but continued forward.
I came back from Thanksgiving break and I wanted to wait to tell anyone else until I would get my mission call....but who was I kidding, I couldn't wait that long! I told my roommates and my family first and they were so supportive and excited for me. I couldn't believe that I was actually doing it. I continued to pray to Heavenly Father and felt pretty good. Basically, I had made up my decision, but I also wasn't 100% committed since I hadn't submitted my mission papers yet or anything like that.
FAST FORWARD: January 2017
Towards the end of the month, I met with my Bishop and told him that I wanted to serve a mission. He was so supportive and helpful as I started the process of filling out my papers. I tried to work on my papers quickly! I even got my wisdom teeth out kind of on a whim(what a funny story that is) and tried to get everything in order, all while keeping it fairly hush. Finally by this point I started to feel a change of heart. At first I was going on a mission because that's what the Lord wanted me to do. But now, I was preparing for a mission because that's what I needed and wanted to do.
I finished my papers early/mid February. Then came the most fun waiting game of my entire life. The hardest two and a half weeks of my life. I was still in school and beginning to hit another round of midterms so I had to stay focused as best I could.
End of February/early March came and I was still waiting. My friend told me a way to find out if your call has been assigned is to check and see if you've been assigned a missionary email account. I checked right then and there and I had! I was shocked, I didn't think that my call would be assigned THAT quickly. I texted my Bishop and sure enough it had been assigned a few days earlier. Since the call was coming from Salt Lake, only 45 minutes away, it was sure to be there any day. I made the mistake of texting him right before my 1 hour and 15 minute Astronomy class and I received the text during that class and couldn't even pay attention (which was horrible because that was a lecture that was heavily about physics...). I ran home and told my roommates and my family that it would be coming soon!
Sure enough, the next day it CAME! March 2nd. I didn't have my morning class and was still at home getting ready for my afternoon class when I heard the mailman come. I took a few deep breaths before going out to check that mail......and it CAME! I was jumping around and screaming. And luckily enough, my roommate Michelle was still home and she jumped around and screamed too. I don't believe that I've actually ever hyperventilated, but that day I'm pretty sure I came close. It was hard not to open it then and there. I called Jamie and told her it was there and I wanted to open it that night. I told everyone and made the arrangements with my family. How was I supposed to go to class when I had my mission call in my possession?! I took my mission call in my backpack that day and showed my friends when I got to class. I couldn't believe that an Apostle of the Lord looked at my picture, saw my name, and assigned me to the 1 mission out of 422 that I was supposed to go to.
Later that night, it was time. I had some of my closest friends and family that could physically be there present and I streamed to the rest on Facebook. Here is a little snippet of it:
As soon as I read that, I felt such an overwhelming love and peace. I knew that's where I needed to go and I was so excited to get to know the people in that area.
If any of you really know me, you'd know that ever since I was a little kid I dreamed of going to California. That was something because growing up in Pennsylvania, going to California isn't really an easy place to travel to. My parents never knew why I loved California...and quite honestly, I don't know why I loved it either. I had no family, no connections of any kind there. After opening my mission call, I realized and truly felt that Heavenly Father had been preparing me for this forever! He instilled in me at an early age a love for California. Before I opened my call, people asked where I wanted to go or where I thought I might go and I said California. I just felt good about it. Saying that, I was still excited and surprised when I read my assignment in my mission call.
FAST FORWARD:Present Day
Here I am, 24 days until I report back to Utah for my Missionary Training. I have never been more scared in my life...but in a good way I guess. I feel so humbled that Heavenly Father trusts me enough to go and preach His gospel. It will be hard, rewarding, saddening (at times), and absolutely exciting. I know once I get out there I will feel much better.
Satan has also never worked so hard on me as he has the past couple weeks. This is his last chance to get me to back out of serving my mission. I'm glad that I'm able to realize that and do everything I can to combat that. I know that the Lord has prepared me and will continue to help and guide me along the way. I'm grateful for this gospel and hope that I can help others see how life changing and beautiful this gospel is. Thank you to my friends and family who have helped get me to this point, your encouragement means the world!
Love,
(soon to be) Sister Burton
Hey girlie,
ReplyDeleteI just watched this video of 'the opening of the call' again and can already see the growth you're experiencing. Keep it up. You're my HERO!